Pirating one's way through foreign countries is an exciting and rewarding experience. Now, just to be clear, I'm a rainbow pirate. This means that even though my intention is to travel as cheap as possible and get as much stuff for free or as heavily discounted as I can, the process never disadvantages or harms others. There are many forms of rainbow piracy. Some examples include hitchhiking, fence jumping, dumpster diving, table grazing, trading found or gifted items for more useful equipment, and straight up asking strangers for money/alcohol/food/accommodation or all of the above.

I guess it takes a certain type of personality/mind state to be a successful pirate. Being shameless is a key element of piracy. You can't go getting embarrassed about wearing clothes you found on the street or scoping out unfinished meals at a restaurant. Obviously, it depends where you are, but generally rainbow fractal pirates are met with compassion and understanding. Though, sometimes some people are so disgusted and repulsed by me asking to finish the rest of their unwanted meal that I am verbally chased onto the street. Serves me right for trying to table graze a fancy restaurant.

Each pirate develops their own techniques and style of plundering. Some become very good street performers, others refine their sleight-of-hand skills to become magical trickster pirates. Others again master the art of DJing to become the ultimate party pirate, spinning dope tracks at open deck parties to pull a free night out. Me personally, I'm a shit-talking pirate. My special move is spinnin' yarns. I'll talk the ear off old grandmas on the bus, young people at the pub and any other poor bastard who will let me get away with it. You might be surprised at what a good story could get ya. Food, money, accommodation. Even bullshitting your way out of a fine on the train would be a form of story-telling piracy. "A good yarn can go a long way," I always say. Of course the downside of being a yarnin' pirate is that you are restricted to plundering from people that speak your language(s), which in some areas can greatly reduce your effectiveness.

I have been studying the ways of rainbow piracy for a few years now and have picked up a few tricks of the trade. Most important is to have a big smile; next is to choose an appropriate place for (rainbow) plundering. (If the area is too rich, you'll get nothing, if the area is too poor then you'll be the one getting plundered). Bars, parties and festivals are best. And of course, an essential part of pirating is to share your booty with other pirates. The more creative and fun your pirating techniques are, the more successful they tend to be. My favourite at the moment is trading jokes for beer money at the pub. This method is very successful for me in areas where English is well spoken, such as Germany, Holland and of course, English-speaking countries.

The mark of a good pirate is to adapt to changing conditions and cultures while travelling. In places where English is not well spoken, joke pirating may not be ya best bet. Perhaps busking or crystal piracy (trading crystals for goods and services) would yield better results. Some basic knowledge of speech craft (shit talking) would also serve well any piracy-based venture, as building a rapport with potential future friends (complete strangers) is essential for netting a big score. No one is going to invite you to their home, cook you dinner, host you the night and send you off with a packed lunch the next day unless they feel comfortable with you and are interested in your mindless ramblings.

Other advantages of being a fractal unicorn pirate include: constant excitement — never a dull moment when you're on a plundering mission; guided tours — staying with locals rather than at hostels makes for a more authentic visit in foreign lands; and generally you are able to form stronger connections with the people that you meet when the relationship begins with a pirate mission. Disadvantages of travelling piracy include: some discomfort — you don't always get what you want when you want it (that domain belongs to next level cunts, the rainbow wizards); and once every couple of weeks you gotta spend a night swagging out on the street. But the worst part of it all is that 95% of all the amazing relationships that form, you must walk away from, never to see again. This can cause some feelings of emptiness and disconnection in one's life and possibly fuck with the mind and heart of even a seasoned wanderer.

All in all I believe that rainbow piracy is a great tool to carry with you while travelling and, if used effectively, it can stretch your money savings and take you to places you never knew existed. If any of you have considered a pirate's life, I would strongly recommend giving it a go. I've found that the less money I spend the more fun I have. To those of you that have already set sail for a life on the high seas, Arrrr me 'earties, may the winds blow in yer favour.

 

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